Emotions are God’s greatest gift to us.The second we stop feeling is the second we stop living.The second we die,with love comes pain,with happiness comes sorrow,with gain comes loss,and with everything comes its opposite.But nothing is more beautiful than feeling it all.Every dose of pleasure and every dose of pain are equally beautiful without sorrow,we’ll never know happiness without loss,we’ll never appreciate gain,and without pain,we’ll never know comfort.Feelings can be deadly but can also be lovely.
There’s so much beauty in life.Beauty that we fail to notice beauty that is blocked by our thoughts,our close mindedness.We’re almost programmed to see things in black and white-only see what is natural to us,what we’re able to understand and over look anything else.What we don’t quite know through is that we can see more we can see beyond wrong and right.We can cross the lines that others weren’t and aren’t able to cross.We can find a deeper meaning behind everything.we can stop hearing and start listening.Stop looking and start seeing.We can open our eyes,and only when we learn how to do that,only then will remain blind to the true meaning of beauty we will remain only partially alive or even dead.
Where did we go wrong?
When and how did we end?
Was it the first time you said goodbye
Or the months later when you came back?
Was it the day I realized I can live without you
Or the night I realized I can’t?
Was it distance giving birth to miscommunication
Or was communication already falling out of taste?
Does there have to be a time to let go?
And if yes, how do we know when?
I’m tired of saying goodbye today
Only to see you tomorrow,again
Is our season ever going to be over
Or are we the beginning to our every end.
When I die
Please don’t cry.
I’m dead and you’re alive.
Live your life and don’t think of me
Cause when I was alive you didn’t notice me.
Please don’t cry
Crying won’t bring me back,
Back is when I was alive hiding in my mask
The mask that everyone wanted to see.
Except for me.
Behind the mask was a girl who no one knew she existed,
Crying won’t bring me back.
I was alive as if I were dead now that I’m dead forget me as I were alive.
Forgive me if my words bring you pain,
But pain is all I knew through all my life,
You might think this is a joke,
But the joke was always on me.
This isn’t like the movies nothing is, partying,friends ,university,love. Everything,I thought.why is nothing making sense why is everything so foreign to me why can’t I figure anything out, sometimes I feel like I do but I know that it’s completely different than how any other person would see it or understand it so I just keep it to myself, so I don’t feel as weird to them as how I feel about myself. I don’t hate myself,don’t get me wrong.But I do feel that I never fit anywhere like an unrelated puzzle,a puzzle that’s so simple and looks so easy and quite obvious and clear to the point where it’s shape just doesn’t match any of it’s “others ” I don’t know where I should be or where do I belong I don’t know if I’ll keep searching all my life for my place or my place is no where to be found.
I’m not a writer, but i do write more than i speak and that’s only because sometimes it’s hard for me to talk it takes more energy than actual required and too much focus that isn’t really needed in any normal person speech.writing my problems isn’t a new thing to me but i usually stay silent even if I’m about to explode. Sometimes i draw,my drawing’s aren’t basic art their more graphic desgin or just a reflection of something i feel but can’t be expressed through words. I know we all went through that, am i right?…. This is about a personal experience i recently went through and i have been going through a lot lately and i just thought that why not share my stories to the world and hopefully others will reach out to me and share their stories with me someday. (:
20 three months away from turning 21,i got a crush on my doctor he got my attention, it was a cute getting to know each other Facebook texting kind of way after 3 months we exchanged numbers and started dating from 1st July 2017.I knew from him in our getting to know each other time that he is officially divorced with a 3 year old baby boy. Anyway we got intimate by time and i really liked him and i didn’t think that his baby boy was a problem as much when i started liking him more, i said to myself love him as he’s your own, so his baby wasn’t a case. I loved how he made me feel so cared for, loved, comfortable, protected and safe. I loved it all, for 8 months we created so much memories and such strong feelings and it felt so real and mutual, until my dad went to ask about him as he was about to give us his final blessing for marriage so this time my dad was extra detailed on every information he receives about him,so that’s when we found out that everything i lived and felt and loved was an enormous lie that he dressed so well and it didn’t feel real or mutual like what he made me believe. He tricked, fooled and brainwashed me. He was still married while we got together for six months. Too bad i loved him or probably the enormous lie i lived. It felt more than 8 months as he made sure to stay with me every minute in every single day in those 8 months. Damn him. His mistake, my fault. I was in total shock and numbness there were tears falling from my eyes, but they didn’t feel like tears they felt like sharp hairy spiders crawling out my eyes running down my face, my saliva as I’m trying to swallow a hard complete boiled egg trying to pass through my throat, my head felt so marshmallow with a whole population of ants running down with sever numbness to my finger tips, and my heart bumping and pushing so hard like a baby trying to get out from his mom’s womb. My stomach dropped with a pressure that i couldn’t walk right. But i didn’t know what i felt. I didn’t know anything for hours. I was lost of everything i was unconscious but with opened eyes, eyes that wanted to scream and a heart that wanted to speak, words didn’t have meaning, so i didn’t know how to communicate or how does it work. I forgot how anything felt before as i was sitting on the couch feeling my whole body is being sucked down by a hole. I was drowning on everything that was and went between us. I was drowning on everything you told me and made me believe. I was drowning in a sea of your lies.